Since just before Christmas, Gwendolyn had been asking us about Santa -- specifically, whether he actually exists. She explained that one of her friends had been telling her that he was not real (and neither were his comrades in imagination, the Easter Bunny and dragons and fairies). Even though she wanted to believe, she said, she wanted a straight answer. She was no longer willing to accept our evasions.
While we thought that she was a little young for this conversation -- especially since her imagination is so active and so important to her view of the world -- we don't want to put her off when she sincerely and repeatedly asks a question. Jen explained that we would answer her in detail if she really wanted us to, and when she replied that she did, we sat on her bed and started to talk.
We started by chatting a little about fables, the way facts sometimes get expanded over time to carry new and important meanings. A story like that of King Arthur began with a man who lived and achieved great things, but over time his story grew to include new details; even though the story as we tell it may not be exactly as his life occurred, it is important because of the truths it expresses. I briefly told her the story of St. Nicholas, who spent his life helping people, and who loved to give gifts to people in need, especially children. We talked about how different cultures have different versions of St. Nick or Santa Claus who represents the values of generosity and Christlike service, but they all share a common element of selfless giving. The stories are real and important because they are one way which we can understand those truths.
Of course, when we arrived at this point, she asked directly: So, Santa isn't real? Well, sweetie, if you're asking whether a fat man in a red velvet suit uses his ungulate conveyance to travel across continents in one night, slipping into the world's chimneys with candy canes and trampolines -- then, not exactly. But in the spirit of St. Nicholas, there are people who do that same work because they love to give presents, and they give the credit to Santa Claus because he represents the purity of sharing without expecting anything in return. Who are those helpers?, she asked. So we told her about the people who contribute to the story -- the man who came dressed as Santa at the ward party, the parents and grandparents who come together to gather things which she and her brothers could get excited about. If someone asked me whether Santa is real, I told her, I would say yes. He is real because his story has meaning for a vast number of people, who understand something true because of that story. And she seemed to understand and to accept that (admittedly subtle and abstract) idea.
In some respects, I wish that we could have evaded the question a little longer. The look in Gwennie's eyes was heartbreaking -- not that I don't feel that she deserves a more grown-up answer to such questions when she asks them, but I wish that she could have kept that part of childhood a little longer. I think that she felt a part of her birthright passing by, and that she was being inducted into adult mysteries that she might not have needed to grasp so soon. But I also feel that it was important at this moment to be frank with her, and to give a legitimate (if perhaps too-complex) response to a serious query. But ultimately, I think that we should celebrate it. For better and worse, she knows the larger meaning of Santa now.
After the introduction to adulthood that Gwendolyn had received in our talk about Santa Claus the other night, you might think that we assumed that she had no more innocence to lose and so opted to have "the talk." In fact, we'd been planning the conversation for some time; we had promised Gwendolyn that we'd have a special evening, and had been building up the discussion for the past week at least. Since she's eight, we knew that she would be encountering hints about sex (in the same way that she picked up her uncertainties about Santa), and we simply prefer that she receive the information from us. We hope that having frank conversations about love and sex, now and in the future, will enable her to turn to us when she does have questions.
Gwendolyn pictured here modeling some dress-up clothes she got for Christmas. She even left in the middle of unwrapping presents to go and put them on. Only a child would do that, right? 
