I've debated long and hard about whether to post this story, but since this our only form of family history at the moment, a mention seems important.
A couple of weeks before Christmas we learned that we were unexpectedly pregnant. After my initial chagrin at the thought of being nine months pregnant in Texas in August (again), I was thrilled. We excitedly told our families on Christmas morning and watched the children joyfully talk about when "baby sister" would join us. Then the morning sickness started and kept me from properly taking care of my family (or doing anything else) for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks. Why is the first trimester so brutal?
My wonderful mother came down to help us out and ended up staying three whole weeks. (Three whole weeks we wouldn't have survived without her help.) During this time, I had a series of appointments with my midwife but she was unable to hear the baby's heartbeat with the dopplar even though I was 11 weeks, 12 weeks along. So I met with a doctor on Friday, Feb 5th, and an ultrasound showed no heartbeat. A follow-up ultrasound at the hospital on Feb 8th confirmed that the pregnancy was not viable; I was given the official diagnosis of "blighted ovum." The medical stuff is easy for me to talk about, the emotional hell and depression is not. So I won't.
The doctor was pretty certain that my body would figure things out on its own and I'd spontaneously miscarry within two weeks. I didn't. Wanting to avoid a d&c, but tired of throwing up every single day and crying myself to sleep every night, I saw the doctor on Feb. 18th and was given some medication to help my body jump-start things.
My body freaked out. I did miscarry, but it involved a whole lot of pain and enormous amounts of blood loss and a middle-of-the-night trip to the ER. A week later, I'm still recovering as my body continues to try to rebuild my red blood cell count.
Though I'm in no shape physically or emotionally to get pregnant again anytime in the next, oh I don't know -- 50 years? -- I am very thankful for my daily improvements in health, and for the wonderful friends and family members who have supported us. I cannot express enough gratitude for all the people who prayed for us, watched my kids when I couldn't, made us food, cleaned our house, stayed with me when I was at my sickest, and cleaned up my bodily fluids. Especially my superhero husband and my sweet mama.
I think I can safely say that the past two months have been the hardest of our entire marriage, but the blessings have been abundant.
End of chapter. I don't want to talk about it anymore.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
the fourth pregnancy chapter
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
dear dear jennifer. i am at a loss of words other than to say how sorry i am to hear of your loss, your pain and your heartache. know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. hugs from afar.
I'm so sorry you had to go through that. My thoughts are you with and your family.
Oh Jen ... My heart breaks for you. Isn't it amazing how the Lord can take the worst situations and show us mercy and love?
Much love, prayers, and big hugs!
so sorry Jen. i miscarried before i had audrey and the heartbreak of those moments will always be with me. i had to go several days knowing that the baby was gone but waiting for my procedure. it was so hard. i'm glad you have family and friends to take care of you! my thoughts are with you, hang in there.
I hope your physical pain chapter is over soon; my heart's hurting for you over the emotional pain. Thanks for sharing this--I'm sending whatever vibes I can to buoy you up.
Oh Jen, how many memories this brings up!
Hang in there, and yes, I will confirm that the emotional part is hellish!
I never miscarried one I was sick with - double hard for you!
I was pregnant with friends who were never sick, never felt better. I would have been a shallow grave on the pioneer trail!
Wishing you well soon!
Lovies from the Ferrins!
Um, hello?! No shout out to your baby sister who cleaned up your bloody clothes off the bathroom floor and scrubbed that same bloody floor and toilet? Hmmmmm?? Kidding! Kidding! I was glad and thankful mom and I could come as quickly as we did and help like we did. Sophia can't wait to see Gwennie again. Love you.
Oh, Jen ... I am so sorry to hear your painful news. I am grateful you chose to share what you've been going through. In between Porter and Sophia I lost a baby at 13 weeks, with the same diagnosis. There was no heartbeat. What an unexpected, painful time it was. I wasn't cursed with the sickness you've had, I can't imagine how much harder that has made it for you, plus a physically painful end... but I do remember the emotional part of it. You are in my prayers...I wish I could be there to give you a hug and take your kids, and to give you more hugs in the upcoming months. It will come back to haunt you when you least expect it, but it will, eventually get easier. Until then, remember the good things, and the friends that love you, even though they're far away!
Post a Comment